Frozen Moments (final copy)

The crystalised, icey turf crunches beneath the soles of my shoes and adrenaline pumps through my body, coursing through my veins. My heartbeat is racing as I wait for the first ear-piercing whistle to sound. My breath catches in the bitter breeze and coils around with the frigid air making a coca white billow of steam trail into the night sky. The seconds tick by so slowly, each feeling like an eternity as I wait for the dewy, grass-stained ball to spiral out from the centre. Then it does.

Thick, grey clouds beat down on me with heavy, crisp drops of rain pelting my skin as I sprint down the length of the turf, each one stinging as they hit my sopping wet body. I sprint as fast as my muscles can possibly let me and the ball trails beside me, slowly edging in front like it is trying to escape my grasp. I quicken my pace and watch as the small droplets of shiny, glinting water fly from the sides of the spinning orb, illuminated by the gleaming overhead lights that stand tall above me. I slide my stick across the sodden turf, letting my hands brush against the rough, gritty surface of the ground. My skin peels ever so slightly and the sticky rain seeps into the meager graze. The stinging sensation travels up through my fingers and makes me shudder from the minor discomfort that continues to torment me. My stick lands just in front of the ball that is now flying down the field and it swirls and dances as it comes to a stop, only metres from the goal. 

I sit with the window down, wind rushing through my hair and thoughts racing through my mind on the drive back. The adrenaline is still flowing through my body as I replay the game continuously in my head. I let my eyes drift up and see stars float across the sky, weaving around the moon that glistens brightly in the dark abyss above my head. The world is silently spinning, carrying a peaceful ambience with it as it goes.

1 Comment

Add Yours →

Caity – this is such a lovely, evocative piece of writing. I love how you’ve managed to convey a range of emotions through your detailed descriptions. Just a few specific points below for you to consider.
Paragraph one –
‘icy’ not ‘icey’. Your verbs in this paragraph convey urgency – well done. ‘Bitter breeze’ is a very appropriate alliteration for your description – choosing the harshness of plosive letters echoes the harshness of the weather. Can you explain your choice of ‘coca white’?
Great to see the clear and detailed descriptions and also the short sentence for effect.
Paragraph two
There are so many lovely descriptive phrases in this paragraph. Some of the impact of these is lost because of a lack of control in formulating the sentences.
You have done a great job in editing your verbs to make them more evocative. Well done.

Leave a Reply

Comment moderation is enabled. Your comment may take some time to appear.